Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
