Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
