I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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