Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
