eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
