I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dicks are not precious.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize