i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
