I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
