omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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