Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
