I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
