So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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