4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
