I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
