you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
