if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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