Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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