he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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