sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
