Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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