I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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