I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
