he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
