He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
