I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Green mimosas i think yes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
