My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
