U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
