Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
