i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
