good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
