Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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