My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
