Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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