I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
