Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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