so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
