I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
