i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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