Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
