how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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