Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
