i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
