did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
