whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
