Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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