Your face is a jimmy john
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
