i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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