The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ladies don't puke and tell
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
