watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
