I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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