remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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