She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
