Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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