We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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