But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
