So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
