he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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