Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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