when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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