"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
