I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I AM VODKA MAN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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