Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
