At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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