just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
