I will die if light touches me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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