Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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