This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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