he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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