If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
