I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
