I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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