i need an iv and a liver transplant
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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