I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
